Men are natural fixers. No matter how hard the task may be, we make every attempt to fix. We are taught to fix cars, toys, and things around the house. More often than not, once we reach adulthood, we end up being in the women-fixing business. What do I mean by that? We work to repair in women what another man has broken. Women also run into the same issue of fixing, staying, and attempting to repair us men. Both sexes are experiencing emotional, physical, psychological, relationship, and love burnout. Trying so hard to fix another person is exhausting on so many levels. And so to all my brothers out here, this one is for you.

I’m sure most of us have played the “Captain Save Em” super-man role before. We’ve had our “Lady Rescue Squad” policies and procedures in place and in a good rotation. But why do we do this? What is fulfilling to us about saving the damsel in distress? What is happening every time our efforts go in vain? Now, this isn’t about every man out there. I’m talking about the “fixers,” “savers” and “superheroes” that rarely accomplishes their goals.

The truth is you stay stuck in this “save her” cycle because you’re broken. Not because they broke you but because you’ve been fixing them and letting yourself slip. Your last ex’s one-night stand tried to be made into a couple of forever’s. Her 30-minute rendezvous with another damaged her and you spent 30 months working to repair her heart. I get it, you’re tired and exhausted. You broke to allow your cracks to be filled in with her scattered parts. Fellas, you are trained to fix but pay attention! More often than not, working on someone else keeps many of us from seeing what’s broken in us. We occupy our time with their needs and once they are healed (or that think they are), they move on to the next man and never give us credit for the work we’ve done. When it’s all said and done, you were never meant to be their heart’s maintenance man. You weren’t their light at the end of the tunnel. You weren’t their “at the end of the day.”

Now, although you are not the cause of their pain, you are allowed to take responsibility for their recovery—and yours.

It’s time for you to have to become a self-surgeon. Connect your lifelines to power sources that fill you up, not drain you. Are you looking for these women because you hope they will be forced to stay based on owing you? Are you looking for someone to trap with your help? Do you fear that because she is self-sufficient, there isn’t a space for you? Fill in your cracks with your own restoration. Ask yourself why do you feel the desire to be needed in an unhealthy way. And you need to make sure that you aren’t searching for those who need help.

Brother, burn your cape so that you can fly. Save yourself so that when you meet her, you will be able to fly with her instead of for her. You won’t look to fulfill what’s missing by needing to “fix.” You won’t be disappointed when she tells you she’s got it. She will have done the work she needed to do so that she could fly. Meet her in the air and not on the ground. Regardless of how well a woman is doing, she still needs you. Regardless of how well you are doing, the right woman can polish you and add the finishing touches to your intricate masterpiece.

Embrace your own self-healing, fixing, and recovery. Continue to be different than what society tells you to be. Society tells you to be insatiable; to love short and hate long. Society tells you to live impatiently because there is always something easier or better. Society tells you that the long haul is for the desperate. Society tells you to get over it and work around it when you should be working through it. Don’t let the ways of the crowd keep you from being your true self. Choose to retire your costume and show the world who you really are. You don’t need a cape to be a superman.


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