I typically record my videos while in my car. I usually sit at a light or in the parking lot and make a video regarding relationships or motivation. One day, sitting at a light, I was just about to record a video and thought about my driving and how I really need to pay more attention to the road. Then, my mind drifted to my previous relationships – the role I played and the experiences I had with women. I started to make the connection between driving and relationships. Not just my relationships but the relationships of others as well.

I began to think about how people are “driving” their relationships whether they are healthy or unhealthy. Below is an analogy that hopefully resonates with you. I hope that it will help you in your relationship(s).

Relationships becomes stagnant when he drives in “neutral” and she drives with the “emergency brake” on.


She has a past and is unsure. She is trying to read him instead of sharing her true feelings. The last couple of times she drove without her “emergency brake” on, she crashed and was left alone to deal with the damage. So, now she always drives with the brake because it protects her. With the brake, she is able to drive with caution, but she doesn’t realize that pushing and stopping is damaging. She is “protecting” her feelings, but doesn’t realize that when you drive with the brake on, you lack power. There is an idea that it allows you to control but that type of control is damaging to you, your partner, and the ability to develop and maintain a thriving relationship. Sometimes driving with the brake on manifests in the forms of insecurity, distrust, a cold heart, and disappointment.

He isn’t ready and is unsure. He is just coasting in the relationship and not pushing himself or the relationship to be secure. He is still playing the field and riding along in neutral allows him to stay in the same safe space with her without being forced to move forward to commitment. He is just going with the flow. It allows him to drift back when things are moving uphill. It allows him to coast downhill and let the woman think she is leading until he presses the brakes. When the relationship is going downhill, it appears that he is gaining momentum because she sees more effort demonstrated, but it’s really only because he feels like he is losing control of her and may lose her. Finally, staying in neutral is safe because he doesn’t take blame for whichever way the relationship goes. He is playing the fence.

So I ask you… How is your driving and will you trust your partner’s driving?

Take control of your position in the relationship or don’t drive at all. Take some time to work on yourself if you need to, but be sure. I am not saying the drive will be perfect, but if you know you aren’t ready, wait until you can fully commit and then go all in.

Photo credit: pinterest.com