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How’s Your Driving

I typically record my videos while in my car. I usually sit at a light or in the parking lot and make a video regarding relationships or motivation. One day, sitting at a light, I was just about to record a video and thought about my driving and how I really need to pay more attention to the road. Then, my mind drifted to my previous relationships – the role I played and the experiences I had with women. I started to make the connection between driving and relationships. Not just my relationships but the relationships of others as well.

I began to think about how people are “driving” their relationships whether they are healthy or unhealthy. Below is an analogy that hopefully resonates with you. I hope that it will help you in your relationship(s).

Relationships becomes stagnant when he drives in “neutral” and she drives with the “emergency brake” on.

Breakdown

She has a past and is unsure. She is trying to read him instead of sharing her true feelings. The last couple of times she drove without her “emergency brake” on, she crashed and was left alone to deal with the damage. So, now she always drives with the brake because it protects her. With the brake, she is able to drive with caution, but she doesn’t realize that pushing and stopping is damaging. She is “protecting” her feelings, but doesn’t realize that when you drive with the brake on, you lack power. There is an idea that it allows you to control but that type of control is damaging to you, your partner, and the ability to develop and maintain a thriving relationship. Sometimes driving with the brake on manifests in the forms of insecurity, distrust, a cold heart, and disappointment.

He isn’t ready and is unsure. He is just coasting in the relationship and not pushing himself or the relationship to be secure. He is still playing the field and riding along in neutral allows him to stay in the same safe space with her without being forced to move forward to commitment. He is just going with the flow. It allows him to drift back when things are moving uphill. It allows him to coast downhill and let the woman think she is leading until he presses the brakes. When the relationship is going downhill, it appears that he is gaining momentum because she sees more effort demonstrated, but it’s really only because he feels like he is losing control of her and may lose her. Finally, staying in neutral is safe because he doesn’t take blame for whichever way the relationship goes. He is playing the fence.

So I ask you… How is your driving and will you trust your partner’s driving?

Take control of your position in the relationship or don’t drive at all. Take some time to work on yourself if you need to, but be sure. I am not saying the drive will be perfect, but if you know you aren’t ready, wait until you can fully commit and then go all in.

Photo credit: pinterest.com

Bashea Williams, LCSW-C

Paul Bashea (Bah-Shay) Williams, LCSW-C, LICSW is described as an Intellectual Emotionalist. Someone who understands what a man thinks and what a woman feels. Helping the two meet and have common ground by encouraging emotion and logic to agree. He is a dedicated father, Licensed Certified Social Worker- Clinical, Relationship Specialist and Writer. He works with at-risk youth and specializes in marriage and family, couples, and individual counseling. He provides relationship advice to individuals and couples. He writes about life, love, and fatherhood. His writing, acting, and public speaking has been featured on panels throughout the country, Huffington Post and several other popular websites, national syndicated radio shows, television and movies. Bashea first started writing to first hold himself accountable and get a better understanding of people's hearts and minds. He loves how relationships work and operate. He strives to help others through his words. Bashea Williams has provided valuable insight on relationships, motivation, and parenting on a variety of panels and conferences. He is highly recruited and his work is valued as measurable and complete. He has years of providing counseling services for singles, couples, youth, and families. Bashea Williams has become well-known for his Trademarked Dear Future Wife series that serves as a man's guide and a woman's reference. His goal is to influence healthy relationships by having compromise, consideration, and an understanding of how people interact. You can follow his work at BasheaWilliams.com, BasheaWilliams on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Greiana

    This is sooo good! Ever since I’ve started following you, you’ve reminded me of Paul in the Bible. He speaks in these deep spiritual mysteries in such a way that it makes one say, “Wait…what?” Haha But once the Lord brings revelation, the message is spot on! Great ‘parable’ and great way of explaining the message. ??

  2. Dami

    Why is everything so complicated?
    Can you write an article on steps we can take to truly heal? I need it, and my future mate needs it as well.

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