In order for a woman to take you seriously and really give you a chance; she needs to feel protected. There are things you can do to make her feel that way. This doesn’t mean you have to stand in front of a bullet or fight every man that either of you feels threatened by. She needs to feel secure mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. I personally feel protecting her spiritually is most important.
She needs to feel that when she steps out into the world, her man has her back. She needs to know wherever she is weak, you make her strong. There is a look a woman gives you when she knows you can handle whatever may be ahead of the two of you.
Here are brief descriptions of 5 ways a woman needs to feel protected and it is up to us men to step to the plate.
A woman’s thoughts need to be safe in your response. This will be evident by your ability to listen and understand. She needs to feel you’re mentally connected and thoughtfully stimulated by her thinking. Being able to express what she is thinking to you and you letting her know it makes sense. She will ask and wait for your response.
She needs to know that you are hearing her but more importantly listening. Her thought process needs to be mirrored in that you reflect and project her thinking. The question of “are you thinking what I am thinking?” will be displayed through your action. There will be disconnects and in those disconnects, she needs to be able to trust that you understand why she is thinking differently. You don’t always have to agree but understanding where she is coming from is admirable and desired.
Bonus: Don’t call her crazy for thinking that.
There is a thought and understanding that men are more logical and women are more emotional. With that being said, we can NOT devalue what they are feeling. A tear isn’t the end of the world. An emotional moment isn’t always a major cause for concern. Hug her and let her know it’s okay.
Patience may be needed for some during their special time of the month. We have to learn to embrace their change in emotionality. We have a unique ability of not “taking it personal” but we don’t have to show them what they are going through emotionally is too much for us to deal with. They already understand; well some.
I am not describing the unstable. If they are cycling through emotions consistently, then it may be too much for them to manage and impossible for you to manage. Don’t make them feel less-than by attacking them emotionally. If it is too much and you have or need to exit, do it in class.
Bonus: The same way we get attached to them emotionally when they are happy, we must connect to their emotions when they aren’t happy.
Can you cover her? Can you take her hand and pray with and for her? Before you pick up the fork to eat, pick up her hand and bless the food. Provide an example of what a spiritual man looks like and is. This does not mean be a preacher or be extra religious by following a tradition. This is about having an evident relationship with God and incorporating her in your belief.
Does she see and feel your prayers?
She needs to know that before big decisions in your life are made; your time alone in prayer will influence and lead you. She needs to know that everything will be alright because you have intimate conversations with God. She needs to be able to trust that you trust God and exercise FAITH. She needs to feel the aura of a higher calling that she can’t describe. Having the ability to pray, produces trust.
Bonus: When a man finds out your insecurities, he has two options. Pray over them or Prey on them.
This isn’t about living beyond your means or paying for everything. This isn’t about paying for her bills or buying her anything she wants. This is about being financially trustworthy and responsible. Can you manage your own money? Can you manage a checkbook, credit card and your cash.
This is about financial maintenance. Can you make the BEST option on a major financial decision? Can you say, “hey, I know we have it but let’s exercise patience”. Will you be able to consider credit? Can you say “let’s build our savings individually so that when we decide to get married, we have a substantial amount in an account for an emergency”.
What does your retirement look like? Can you help her get hers in order? What does your debt look like? Can you provide resources for her to utilize to match yours?
When she makes more than you, are you secure enough? Can you still operate in a leadership role? Remember, you aren’t defined by your financial status. What if she has it all together and you don’t? Can she trust you to allow her to lead you and show you the way because there are many women who have learned to manage their money more than a man. She needs to know that you are secure in your financial status or growth. Can you clearly define your financial plan?
Bonus: Income isn’t as important as management.
We have to be able to stand tall and make her feel safe. This has nothing to do with height or stature. This has everything to do with confidence. Don’t confuse confidence and being sure with arrogance. We will need to decide and understand our position in manhood isn’t defined by brawn. The way we were taught to dominate matures from being a quick-tempered boy to a thoughtful and calculated man. We need to understand the consequences of our actions. We have to focus on long-term.
We need to understand danger. We have to be able to say to the woman in our lives “that isn’t a good idea, trust me, it isn’t safe”. We need to be strong in walking away from a situation that isn’t conducive to safety. If y’all are in a situation where you are physically challenged, responding physically isn’t always the way to protect her. At some point in your life, understanding walking away or apologizing without fault is protection. If your woman does not understand that, then she may not be the one for you.
At some point, you have to realize you are too old to be putting up the dukes.
Walking on the outside. Putting on her coat. A firm embrace. A confident kiss. Holding her hand and exchanging energy. Not being passive to outsiders. Stopping her from crossing the street when she didn’t look. Her watching you take a strong stance is a complete turn-on. Taking a firm position on a decision.
Bonus: She should not be testing your childhood wrestling, boxing, MMA, or Ninja skills at any time.
(Image credit: goodguyswag.com)